sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
