you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
