I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
