Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize