i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
