I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
