...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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