Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize