as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
