I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
