so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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