I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
