Walk of Shame. In a state park.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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