kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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