guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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