Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
