i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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