I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
