It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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