Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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