dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
