Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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