My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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