i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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