So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
whose ass print is on the piano?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
