i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
