How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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