i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
