my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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