I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
