Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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