Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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