It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
