I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Randomize
