she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
