he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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