4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
COCAINE IS GR8
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize