K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
