I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
