i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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