somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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