Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
