You just made me feel so damn special
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
