I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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