Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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