Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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