I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
