ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
