Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
