He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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