I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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