I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
