so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
