I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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