Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize