I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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