dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
