My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
