so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize