He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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