Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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