They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
