Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
