I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
