I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
