i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
