The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You've changed since you got that strap on
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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