If i come over, it means nothing
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
