you would pick up someone in the library
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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