if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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