And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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