dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize