gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
