i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
