I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
