I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
