Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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