guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize