Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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