The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
