Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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