I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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