And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
