My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
