the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
