Where is the hickey?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
