you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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