i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
