Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
