I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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