I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
