I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
