My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
