can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
