He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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