bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
