I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
