Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
