So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
