what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
