well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
