I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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