i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
