and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Sex in the backyard? Check.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
