I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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