i jhust puked up my retainher.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
