you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
