I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
