new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
