I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
