Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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