I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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