Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
