i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
