So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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