Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize