the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
