I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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