Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
