First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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